


P.S. I Love You

by orphan_account



Category: Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Dorks in Love, Established Relationship, Letters, Long-Distance Relationship, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 11:29:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20545427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Chris is an old soul in a long distance relationship





	P.S. I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> *Sorry about the kinda weird formatting, it was super difficult for me to get this fic up since I’m using my phone until I can get a new laptop!  
I return for fic number two.  
I know what you’re thinking: “déjà vu, is that you?” No, it’s all me. I have significantly improved the fic I posted last night and deleted this morning (I work fast, baby, so fast). Thanks to all who read the original version of this one. I have added lots and lots of content and decided to make this a single fic instead of chaptered

Chris is an old soul. An old, wise man stuck in the body of an agile 38 year old. 

It’s obvious in his more limited use of social media, the philosophical reading he does, and the impactful advice he willingly gives close friends. 

And, less known to the public, it’s also obvious in his relationship with Sebastian. 

——

Sebastian stared at the crisp white envelope he held in his hand. He could easily identify Chris’ handwriting, the name  _Chris Evans _ scrawled in all caps merely serving as unnecessary confirmation. 

He dropped the other envelopes he held onto the coffee table and quickly tore open Chris’. 

Once the envelope itself was nearly destroyed, Sebastian gently pulled out what was inside.

A handwritten letter.

Chris, the absolute nerd, sent Sebastian a letter, written by hand, out of the blue.

_Hey Seb,_

_I hope you’re doing well, enjoying yourself and going to therapy regularly and everything._

_I’m having a good time on set, everyone is great and I love spending time with them, but I miss you. I know I’ve said it a million times but it’s still true. I woke up this morning and it was so cold. For the first time I realized that your side of the bed was empty, untouched. I guess I’ve been so distracted by work that I haven’t let myself think about how much I miss you. I guess that’s good because I can focus on work and can’t mope about it all day, but now that I am thinking about it it’s really hitting me hard, just like it did when I woke up this morning._

_Anyway, I know I could’ve easily texted you all this, then you would’ve gotten it a lot faster and you could’ve replied quickly and we could talk in real time. I didn’t, though, because I was thinking: When was the last time someone sent you a handwritten letter? Birthday or Christmas cards don’t count. I mean a real, heartfelt letter. It’s been years, hasn’t it?_

_This feels a lot more personal. I really like it. I hope you’ll write one back, yeah? Then we can start writing letters back and forth and it’ll be our little thing that we do when we’re miles apart and missing each other. I wish I could hear the “old man” jokes I know you’re dying to make right now._

_Love,_

_Chris_

Sebastian smiled to himself, imagining Chris buying a stamp to mail a fucking  _letter_ . 

As dorky as it seemed, Chris was right, being able to see his handwriting made the words on the wrinkled paper feel more personal. 

Sebastian, as giddy as a child watching their mom buy them a piece of candy, searched his apartment for the perfect piece of paper to write his own letter on.

——

Smooth, black ink glided across the lined paper. Sebastian refused to hold back, determined that Chris would see in writing how much he is loved.

_Shit_ . Black ink was smeared across the paper and on Sebastian’s palms. The letter looked messy. Barely legible ink twisting on ugly lined paper. 

He couldn’t mail this to Chris. He refused.  _“Hey Chris, really appreciated your thoughtful, heartfelt, handwritten letter. Here’s my messy handwriting on paper I found crammed in a drawer. I’m sure you’ll love the **intimate** touch_ the smeared ink adds!”

Sebastian let an embarrassingly childish whine ring through the quiet room. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the glass of the top of the coffee table, pouting like a child just woken from their nap. 

A reflection like that can really wake up a 37 year old man.

Sebastian straightened up on the couch, wiped the pout off his too-old-to-be-pouting face, and looked at the ink on his hands, trying to figure out what he should do. 

Finally, he remembered what century he was living in. He grabbed his phone off the coffee table, which he had abandoned in his haste to open Chris’ letter. 

Once again filled with determination and childlike glee, he opened Safari and typed in  _Amazon.com._

——

Chris sat on the couch, surrounded by cheerful castmates excitedly awaiting their turn for karaoke. 

He knew Sebastian would receive his letter either today or later that week. 

He anxiously ran his fingers over the throw pillow he held in his lap, needing something to fiddle with to ease his working mind. 

He was both excited and nervous for Sebastian to receive his letter. He really liked the idea of communicating with Sebastian through handwritten letters rather than short, abbreviated text messages. He thought seeing the handwriting on the paper would feel more intimate and personal, a raw look into his mind and heart. 

On the other hand, he was nervous that Sebastian would think it was a dumb idea. Would read the letter and roll his eyes and scoff before tearing it up and throwing it away. Would text his friends about how Chris just had the _dumbest_ idea , how he wants to write _letters_ in the twenty-first century like the  _pretentious asshole_ he is. 

He knew Sebastian would never mock him like that, but the thought of it still made him grip the pillow tighter. 

A giggly shout of his name snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Come on, it’s your turn!” 

His castmates were looking at him expectantly, happy faces waiting for an absentminded Chris to join in on the fun. 

“Oh, no, I can’t—I mean you’re all—I’m kind of—uh... not tonight guys, sorry." He stumbled, trying hard to force a wide smile to glide across his face.

A beat of silence followed. Chris fought the urge to squeeze his eyes shut, feeling powerless against the heat of a blush working itself up his neck and settling on his cheeks. 

Luckily, the silence didn’t last for too long, as another castmate jumped up to take Chris’ place. 

Internally kicking himself for being so stupid, Chris quietly snuck out of the room, needing to be alone and wanting to know if Sebastian has received his letter.

——

_Doesn’t a text kind of defeat the purpose of a letter? _

Sebastian had quickly responded to Chris’ text.

_Ha, I guess so. Just needed to know._

_What, nervous now? I loved it. I’m writing you one right now. I think this is a beautiful idea. _

Chris closed his eyes and released a shaky breath. He knew everything would be fine, knew that he could mail his lover something as simple as used toilet paper and Sebastian would still love it, but he had still had his doubts. 

Knowing that Sebastian had received and loved the letter released a tension in Chris’ body that he hadn’t even realized was there. 

Exhausted from his earlier stressing, Chris let his phone land in the bed and turned his lamp off before falling asleep, not even bothering to follow his usual nightly routine first. 

——

It only takes a little over a week for a disgruntled mailman to nearly throw an envelope at Chris. 

It’s an unusually sweltering afternoon, spent with a director impatiently barking orders and a group of security guards refusing to allow the underpaid mailman to just drop the envelope off somewhere, claiming they’re too busy to look after a delivery, urging him to find  _Chris Evans _and hand him the envelope himself. The frustrating demand is followed by the helpful knowledge that Mr. Evans ” _should be somewhere ‘round here.”_

Chris quietly thanks the mailman, who is already storming away. He’s almost upset by the mailman’s rudeness, but the name  Sebastian Stan scribbled in the corner of the envelope makes Chris forget the man’s rudeness. 

Chris practically sprints to his trailer, not even sitting down before he starts to tear the envelope open.

His eyebrows furrow in confusion when he sees the brown paper, clearly designed to look ancient. He understands why Sebastian had picked the paper when he unfolds it and begins reading.

_Hey old man,_

_First, to address your concerns: yes, I’m still going to therapy and I’m doing very well right now. Keeping myself busy, too. I just got a call earlier today that I got that role I auditioned for. I’m glad to hear you’re enjoying yourself on set. Makes me reminisce about our Captain America days. Remember what a great time we had in London?_

_Anyway. I miss you a lot. I can’t wait to have you back home with me, I’ve been missing your cuddles and kisses a lot. _

_I love this idea of writing letters back and forth. Only you would think of something like this in 2019. I’ve been telling you that you were probably born in the wrong generation! I swear sometimes I forget you’re only a year older than me._

_Seriously though, this is such a wonderful idea. You were right, seeing your handwriting on paper did add a personal touch to the words you wrote. Why don’t people write letters anymore? I didn’t realize how much I missed them until I read yours._

_See you soon? _

_Love (you 3000?),_

_Seb_

Chris stood behind the door of his trailer, reading the letter again and again and again. If asked, he probably could’ve repeated each word Sebastian had written, without looking at the letter once. 

Sebastian had gotten the role he had wanted, a role he had fallen in love with and spent days on end talking about. Sebastian still thinks about the long days and nights they had spent in London, bonding while filming the first Captain America movie. Sebastian liked—no,  loved the idea of writing letters back and forth. And, Sebastian had made sure to include a dorky and touching reference at the end of his letter. 

Chris patted the pockets of his pants, searching for his phone. When he found it, he quickly pulled it out and opened his messages app, disregarding new texts and composing a new one to Sebastian. 

_Just read your letter. Thank you. I love you. I’m so close to ditching this movie and jumping on a plane just so I can see you._

_So just fuck the letters?_

_Sorry! I wanted you to know._

_Am I speaking to the same 80 year old man I sent a letter to? Or have I been flirting with the other Chris Evans?_

_Texting is just so much faster. Genius invention._

_Right. I’m glad you liked the letter. Did you like the paper I used? And the pen? Did you notice the ink didn’t smear? I bought paper and crazy expensive pens from Amazon._

_I noticed. Very classy. You didn’t have to, though._

_Only the best for Mr. Evans._

Chris jumped at the sudden knock on the door of his trailer. He put his phone back in his pocket and spun around to open the door.

“We need you on set,” was all that was said before the crew member walked away again, clearly in a rush to do anything other than fetch a distracted actor from his trailer. 

——

Oddly enough, Sebastian felt... accomplished. He knew Chris had been nervous about his letter, had probably briefly considered running to the post office to grab the letter back, to shred it in order to protect it from anyone’s curious gaze. 

But he hadn’t. He had trusted Sebastian to read the letter without mocking him. It didn’t seem like the most personal thing, but he knew that Chris was nervous about it. He could perfectly picture Chris rereading his letter, nervously pacing back and forth, hesitant about sending it. Eventually finding the courage to carefully place a stamp on the envelope and send it out, biting on his bottom lip and chewing on the skin around his fingernails. 

As much as he was playfully teasing Chris for texting him about the letter instead of waiting for Sebastian’s own to arrive, or responding to Sebastian’s over text instead of sending a new one and waiting for a response, he knew it was because Chris couldn’t get out of his head, couldn’t wait patiently because the mocking voice in his head wouldn’t shut up. 

He was just glad Chris trusted him. 

And he was glad that he was able to dissolve at least a portion of Chris’ doubts. 

He stared at his new stationery and elegant pens, courtesy of Amazon, debating if he should wait for a new letter from Chris or if he should just write a new one now (Chris’ impatience had clearly rubbed off on him). 

There were so many things he wanted to tell Chris. Most were things he’d heard a million times before, others were more...in-depth, things he was too shy to tell Chris face-to-face, even though they’d known each other for years. 

He picked up a pen before setting it down on the table again. He was going to be patient. 

Okay, no. Impatience struck again, moments later. 

This time, however, Sebastian didn’t reach for his pricey little pen or old-fashioned paper. No, this time Sebastian grabbed his phone, showing how impatient he could really be.

——

Chris yanked off the long coat he was given by the costume department. It was too damn _hot_ for this stupid outfit. He considered yanking off the wool sweater too, but he stopped himself when he remembered he wasn’t wearing anything underneath it. It’s unlikely that anyone would’ve minded, but the attention can get a little uncomfortable for Chris. 

His mood that day was the exact opposite of his mood the day before. 

He was grumpy. 

He woke up too early, and he had been filming all day. 

He couldn’t get his scenes down correctly. He felt like an idiot. He was a professional and yet he had to do multiple takes of the most simple scenes. 

He was getting impatient. He felt like he’d been filming this movie forever. He just wanted to go home to his comfortable bed and adorable dog and Sebastian.

Sebastian. He wanted to write another letter, but the crew member had interrupted him by announcing he was needed. He didn’t want to run off to his trailer again, afraid that he’d be absent when he was needed again. 

As childish as it seemed, that was the main thing that caused his bad mood. A long distance relationship was hard enough. Throw in a busy schedule and time difference and you had the perfect recipe for slow torture. 

Chris loved his job, though. He felt very fortunate to have been blessed with his dream job. He enjoyed the movies and TV shows he was able to take part in, and he definitely couldn’t complain about the salary. It just sucked sometimes. 

He glanced around the set. The director was talking to one of the actors, pointing all around them. The cameras were perfectly positioned. Sebastian was smiling at him, gripping the handle of a suitcase. Crew members stood off to the side in an unorganized circle, discussing possible adjustments for the set. 

His eyes quickly snapped back to Sebastian. 

He stared, dumbfounded. He was hallucinating from the heat. He knew it. No one had considered that it was a little too hot to force him into such warm clothes, and he had been too stubborn to take any breaks, punishing himself for struggling to film his scenes. And now he was paying for it. Paying for it with a cruel punishment: hallucinating that Sebastian was walking towards him. 

“You’re definitely not as excited to see me as I thought you would be,” Sebastian teased, now standing directly in front of Chris. 

“Sebastian?” Chris reached out to gently grab his arm, needing physical evidence that he wasn’t hallucinating. 

Sebastian let go of his suitcase and hugged Chris tightly, only ending the hug so he could kiss him for the first time in months. 

“Are you busy right now?” 

Chris blinked slowly, still struggling to comprehend the fact that Sebastian was standing in front of him, just like that. 

“Uh, no, I, uh, just finished, uhm, filming my last scene for the—for the day.” 

Sebastian grinned at him, cheeks picking up a slightly rosy tint at the sight of the effect he had on Chris. 

——

“I blame you for the impulsiveness of my flight over here, by the way,” Sebastian informed Chris as he took a few essentials out of his suitcase. 

“If your impulsiveness leads to you surprising me on set, then I’m glad to be rubbing some of my impatience off on you.” 

Chris smiled as he watched Sebastian walk around the trailer, still not completely convinced he was really there. 

“I wanted to give you this,” Sebastian handed an envelope to Chris, watching Chris’ fingers carefully open the envelope.

_Chris, _

_I’ve said it at least a million times, but I love you. The years I’ve spent with you—both as friends and as lovers—have taught me so much. You show me everyday that I’m deserving of love, although I sometimes forget it. You’ve helped me gain confidence and deal with a level of fame I didn’t expect to ever reach. You’ve given me advice that’s helped me improve as an actor. You, ironically enough, also taught me about patience. That the best things in life tend to come slowly, much like the beginning of our relationship because we were too dumb to just talk to each other._

_You’ve shown me the most vulnerable pieces of yourself, introduced me to the depths of your beautiful mind._

_There are so many things I want to tell you that I can’t even put into words. Thank you for supporting me and teaching me so much everyday. I love and value every second I get to spend with you._

_I know you only have a little over a month of filming left. Maybe it seems stupid that I was able to wait out months of you working, weeks of us barely talking because we were both so busy, but I couldn’t wait one more month. But I don’t have to start filming for my new movie yet. And I’m not going to sit at home and mope like a child waiting for you to come back. Plus, I thought if I wrote you a letter I could hand to you, I wouldn’t have to explain for the hundredth time that texting me after receiving a letter totally defeats the purpose of sending a letter in the first place. _

_I love you, you big dumb meatball._

The strength of Chris’ hug nearly knocked Sebastian over. He regained his balance and hugged back, hearing the crinkling of the paper still in Chris’ hand on his back. 

When they finally stopped hugging, they pulled back, still holding each other and making eye contact.

“You know, I wanted to sneak ‘I’m with you till the end of the line’ in there somewhere, but I just couldn’t get it in there.” 

Chris, still holding onto Sebastian’s arms, chuckled before quipping, “Well, that’s what the KY Jelly’s for.” 

——

Chris may be an old soul, but he’s also insanely impatient. 

So, maybe he wasn’t born in the wrong generation. Maybe this is exactly where he belongs, with text messages and planes more than ready to reunite him with his lover. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I’m very insecure and still figuring things out! Hope you enjoyed this fic, had a vague idea in my head and just jumped in. Definitely did not end up the way I thought it would but I enjoyed it and I actually feel good about it.
> 
> [Visit me on tumblr!](https://ughtheirpower.tumblr.com)


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